Apology Language Quiz: Find the Apology You Most Need to Hear
This apology language quiz is informed by the five apology languages Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas describe, from expressing regret to requesting forgiveness. See which apology actually lands for you and how your giving habits compare with your receiving preferences, with a free PDF.
Reviewed by Michael Callans, MSW 
Apology Language Quiz is a free, confidential 25-question self-assessment, original items informed by the five apology languages, not the authors' quiz. It takes about 5 minutes, runs entirely in your browser, and gives you a plain-language profile of your strongest style plus an optional in-depth report. It is an educational screening, not a diagnosis.
Five ways to say sorry, and only some of them count for you
An apology that feels complete to one person can feel empty to another. This quiz scores all five apology languages so you can see your full pattern, then shows which approaches you endorse most strongly overall. Receiving and giving are both covered, but the combined rankings do not distinguish them.
Your full apology-language profile
Where you land across all five languages: expressing regret ("I am sorry"), accepting responsibility ("I was wrong"), making restitution ("How can I make it right?"), genuinely repenting ("Here is how I will change"), and requesting forgiveness ("Will you forgive me?").
What you need to hear and what you give
Three statements per language ask what makes an apology land for you; two ask how you tend to apologize yourself. The combined bars do not separately rank what you need and what you give. The individual receiving and giving statements can help you notice a possible mismatch, which is worth checking in a real conversation.
Why 'you never really apologized' fights happen
For your leading language: what a complete apology sounds like to you, what tends to feel hollow, and how a partner who speaks a different language can still reach you without faking it.
| Feature | Typical free quiz | Psychology.com |
|---|---|---|
| Scores all five languages, not one label | Often one label | Yes, full profile as bars |
| Includes statements about both receiving and giving apologies | Rarely | Yes, both are covered; each bar combines them |
| Original items, no copied proprietary content | Often unclear | Yes, 25 original statements |
| Honest about the model's evidence base | Rarely | Yes, popular framework, not a validated scale |
| Clinician-reviewed interpretation | Rarely | Yes, clinician reviewed |
| Optional in-depth personalized report | No | Yes, written to your exact scores |
| Answers stay on your device | Often collected | Scored in your browser; only summary scores if you request a PDF or report |
The 5 patterns this test measures
- Expressing regret: "I am sorry." You need to hear that the other person feels the hurt they caused.
- Accepting responsibility: "I was wrong." You need the other person to own what they did, with no excuses attached.
- Making restitution: "What can I do to make it right?" You need the apology to come with repair.
- Genuinely repenting: "I will change, and here is how." You need a real plan so it does not happen again.
- Requesting forgiveness: "Will you forgive me?" You need to be asked, and to be given the choice.
If nothing is endorsed, every pattern scores the same, or the leading patterns tie, the result says so instead of naming a single pattern.
How this quiz is scored
The 25 statements split evenly into five groups of five, one per apology language. Within each group, three statements ask what you need to hear when someone has hurt you, and two ask how you tend to apologize when you are the one who caused the hurt. Each statement is rated on a five-point agreement scale from strongly disagree (0) to strongly agree (4), so every language can total 0 to 20. Your result shows all five totals as bars, with the highest bar named as your leading apology language.
We score the receiving and giving statements together because, in our experience and in the framework's own description, most people apologize in the language they most want to receive. When those two sides differ, the combined ranking cannot tell you which side produced the difference. Revisit the receiving and giving statements separately, then ask the other person what would help repair the specific harm. The groupings are our own educational design, not validated subscales, and no apology language is better than another.
How to apologize in each of the five languages
Expressing regret is about naming the hurt and your sorrow for it, specifically: "I am sorry I snapped at you in front of your sister. I could see it embarrassed you, and I hate that I did that." The specificity is what makes it land; a generic "sorry" without the hurt named can feel like a formality. Accepting responsibility is about the words "I was wrong," with no explanation attached. For someone who speaks this language, "I'm sorry, but you have to understand I was stressed" is not an apology at all, because the "but" hands the responsibility back.
Making restitution asks what would make it right and then does it: paying for what was broken, redoing the plan you canceled, or simply asking "What do you need from me now?" and following through. Genuinely repenting, which Chapman and Thomas also describe as planning change, is a concrete plan, not a promise: "Next time I feel that angry I am going to leave the room before I say anything, and you can call me on it if I don't." Requesting forgiveness hands the power back to the person who was hurt: "Will you forgive me?" asked sincerely, and then waiting for their answer without pressing for it. If you are the one apologizing, the most reliable approach is to include several languages rather than guessing one, which also matches what apology research finds about more complete apologies being more effective.
What to do when your partner's apology language is different from yours
Most "you never really apologized" fights are a mismatch, not a lack of remorse. One partner says "I'm sorry" and means it completely; the other was waiting for "I was wrong" or for a plan so it does not happen again, and hears only words. Both leave the conversation convinced the other person was unreasonable. The fix starts with naming the mismatch out loud, ideally when nobody is upset: "When you apologize, what I actually need to hear is that you know it was wrong, not just that you feel bad." Our Communication Style Quiz and Conflict Style Quiz quizzes can help you see the broader patterns around how the two of you argue and repair.
Then practice the other person's language even when it feels unnatural. Saying "I was wrong" when you are a regret-first person can feel like overkill; asking "What can I do to make it right?" can feel transactional to someone who leads with repentance. It is still worth doing, because an apology is for the person who was hurt. If a mismatch keeps turning small hurts into long cold stretches, our Relationship Satisfaction Test looks at the relationship more broadly, and a couples therapist can coach the two of you through a repair conversation in real time. The Love Styles Test looks at the broader pattern of how each of you loves, which often explains why one apology lands and another misses.
Apology versus accountability
An apology is a moment; accountability is what happens afterwards. A beautifully worded apology in your exact language that is followed by the same behavior next week is not repair, and people who speak the repentance language tend to feel this most sharply. Equally, a change in behavior that is never named can leave a regret-first partner feeling the hurt was never acknowledged. Healthy repair usually needs both: words that match the hurt, and follow-through that matches the words.
It also helps to know what an apology is not for. It is not a way to end an argument faster, it is not something the hurt person owes you acceptance of, and it is not a substitute for a boundary. If you notice that apologies in your relationship mostly flow one way, or that you apologize to keep the peace even when you were not in the wrong, our Healthy Relationship Quiz is a good next step. Apologizing well is a skill that can be learned at any age, and knowing your own language and your partner's is most of the work.
If resentment tends to appear indirectly before or after an apology, Passive-Aggressive Test explores those communication habits separately.
Methodology & sources
This quiz is informed by the five apology languages described by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas in The Five Languages of Apology (2006), revised as When Sorry Isn't Enough (2013) and later as The 5 Apology Languages: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting (planning change), and requesting forgiveness. Their framework and their own apology language quiz are proprietary; this page reproduces neither. We wrote 25 original statements, five per language, with three per language about what you need to hear and two about how you tend to apologize, and we score them together into a single profile. The five-way grouping is our own educational design based on the published framework.
The apology languages are a popular, widely used framework rather than a validated psychometric model: we are not aware of peer-reviewed studies establishing five distinct apology-language types in the way the authors describe them. Related research does support the idea that apologies have separable components and that more complete apologies are more effective (Lewicki, Polin & Lount, 2016), with acknowledging responsibility and offering repair rated as the most important parts. Each statement is rated on a five-point agreement scale and summed within its language; the highest bar is your result. This is an educational self-assessment for reflection and conversation, not a validated instrument and not a clinical measure.
References
- Chapman G, Thomas J. The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships. Chicago: Northfield Publishing; 2006 (paperback ed. 2008). ISBN 9781881273790.
- Chapman G, Thomas J. When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love. Chicago: Northfield Publishing; 2013. ISBN 9780802407047.
- Lewicki RJ, Polin B, Lount RB Jr. An exploration of the structure of effective apologies. Negot Confl Manag Res. 2016;9(2):177-196. doi.org/10.1111/ncmr.12073
- Schumann K. The psychology of offering an apology: understanding the barriers to apologizing and how to overcome them. Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2018;27(2):74-78. doi.org/10.1177/0963721417741709
Cite this source
Psychology.com. (2026, October 5). Apology Language Quiz. Psychology.com. https://psychology.com/tests/apology-language
Apology Language Quiz FAQ
What are the five apology languages?
Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas describe five: expressing regret ("I am sorry"), accepting responsibility ("I was wrong"), making restitution ("What can I do to make it right?"), genuinely repenting ("I will change, and here is how"), and requesting forgiveness ("Will you forgive me?"). Most people need one or two of these to feel an apology is complete, and tend to give the same ones.
Is this the official apology language quiz?
No. The authors' own quiz is proprietary and lives on their site. This quiz uses 25 original statements we wrote, informed by their published framework, and scores all five languages so you see your full profile rather than one label.
Is the apology language model scientifically validated?
It is a popular framework rather than a validated psychometric model. Research on apologies does find that they have separable components and that more complete apologies work better, which is consistent with the framework, but the five-type structure itself has not been established in peer-reviewed studies. Treat your result as a useful lens for conversation, not a measurement.
How is this different from a love language?
Your love language, one of the five love languages, describes how you prefer to give and receive affection day to day; our Love Language Test covers it. Your apology language is narrower and more specific: what you need to hear after someone has hurt you for the apology to feel real. They are related ideas from the same author, but they do not always match.
What if my partner and I have different apology languages?
That is common, and it explains a lot of "you never really apologized" arguments. Name the difference when nobody is upset, tell each other what you actually need to hear, and practice saying it even when it feels unnatural. If repair keeps stalling, our Conflict Style Quiz and a couples therapist can help.
Is the test really confidential?
Yes. It runs entirely in your browser. Your individual answers are scored in your browser and are never sent to us or linked to you. They stay in this tab so you can return to your result, and closing or clearing the tab clears them. If you ask us to email the PDF, we receive your summary scores with your email address, never your individual answers. No account is needed.
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