Toxic Relationship Test: Rough Patch or a Harmful Pattern?
24 original statements look at respect and safety, communication, and how the relationship affects your sense of self. Get an instant, plain-language result and an optional PDF summary.
Reviewed by Michael Callans, MSW 
Toxic Relationship Test is a free, confidential 24-question self-assessment, educational screener · not a diagnostic test. It takes about 6 minutes, runs entirely in your browser, and gives you a plain-language score across 3 interpretation bands plus an optional in-depth report. It is an educational screening, not a diagnosis.
"Toxic" isn't one thing, so this test doesn't treat it like one
Most online quizzes ask a handful of vague questions and hand back a verdict. This screener looks at three concrete areas together, respect and safety, communication, and how you feel in yourself, because a relationship can be difficult in one of these areas without being harmful in all three, and the difference matters for what to do next.
Original, behavior-based items
24 statements written for this test, describing specific behaviors and feelings rather than asking you to simply agree with a label like "toxic."
Three concrete areas
Respect and safety, communication, and self and wellbeing, shown separately so you can see exactly where the friction, or the harm, is concentrated.
A pattern read, with a clear line for abuse
The highest band on this test routes directly to resources for abuse and domestic violence, because some patterns need more than reflection.
| Feature | Typical free quiz | Psychology.com |
|---|---|---|
| Separates rough patch from pattern | No | Yes, with a dedicated section |
| Behavior-specific items | Vague | 24 concrete statements |
| Breakdown by area | No | Yes, 3 areas |
| Routes serious results to real hotlines | Rarely | Yes, DV Hotline + 988 |
| Acknowledges both partners can contribute | No | Yes, without excusing abuse |
| Clinician-reviewed interpretation | Rarely | Yes, clinician reviewed |
| Answers stay on your device | Often tracked | Scored in your browser; we only receive anonymous completion counts unless you ask for a PDF or report |
How scoring works
Answers are scored 0–96 in total. Your result falls into one of 3 bands:
| Score | Band | What it suggests |
|---|---|---|
| 0–32 | Mostly healthy, with some friction | Your answers suggest your relationship is mostly healthy, with normal friction here and there rather than a harmful pattern. |
| 33–64 | Concerning patterns | Your answers suggest some real, repeating patterns of contempt, control, or strain on your wellbeing. Worth taking seriously and addressing directly. |
| 65–96 | Harmful patterns | Your answers suggest consistent, serious patterns of disrespect, control, or harm to your wellbeing. Please take this seriously and reach out for support. |
"Toxic" Is Not a Clinical Term
"Toxic relationship" is a popular phrase, not a diagnosis or a term you'll find in clinical research. That's not a knock against using it; it's useful shorthand for a relationship that consistently leaves you worse off. But because it isn't a fixed clinical category, it covers a wide range of severity, from a relationship going through a genuinely hard stretch to one with patterns of real harm and control. This test is built around three concrete, observable areas instead of the label itself, so your result reflects what's actually happening rather than how dramatic the word "toxic" sounds.
If your top concern is specifically about coercive control, fear, or safety, our Emotional Abuse Test looks directly at that and may give you a more precise read than this broader screener.
A Rough Patch vs. a Pattern
Every long-term relationship goes through hard stretches: stress from work or money, a big life transition, grief, illness, or simply a season where two people are out of sync. A rough patch tends to be time-limited, tied to an identifiable cause, and responsive to effort from both people. A pattern is different: it repeats regardless of circumstances, tends to get explained away or denied afterward, and leaves one or both people bracing for the next round rather than genuinely repairing. The three-part breakdown above is designed to help you tell these apart. A relationship under temporary strain will usually show up moderately across areas and improve as the stressor passes; a harmful pattern tends to be consistent and to concentrate heavily in respect and safety.
It's also worth being honest that this test asks about your experience of the relationship, and both people can contribute to unhealthy dynamics, like poor communication or unresolved resentment, without that meaning either partner is abusive. If you want to look at your own contribution honestly, our Am I Toxic Quiz is the mirror version of this test.
What Concerning Patterns Tend to Look Like
Relationship researchers, most notably John Gottman, have identified specific communication patterns that reliably predict distress and dissolution: contempt (mockery, eye-rolling, a sense of moral superiority), criticism aimed at character rather than behavior, defensiveness that blocks repair, and stonewalling, or shutting down and withdrawing instead of engaging (Gottman & Levenson, 1992). Contempt in particular stands out in the research as the single strongest predictor of relationship breakdown. These patterns are worth naming specifically, because "we fight sometimes" undersells how corrosive contempt and stonewalling can be over time, even in a relationship with real love in it.
None of this means every argument is a red flag. Healthy couples disagree, and repair after conflict, meaning coming back together, taking responsibility, and reconnecting, matters more than avoiding conflict altogether. Our Healthy Relationship Quiz looks specifically at repair and connection if you want the more positive-framed companion to this test.
If This Relationship Feels Unsafe
If you scored in the highest range, especially on respect and safety, please take that seriously. Controlling behavior, threats, and contempt for your safety or autonomy are patterns that tend to escalate rather than resolve on their own, and they are not something you're responsible for fixing by trying harder. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) offers free, confidential support around the clock, including help thinking through safety planning, whether or not you're ready to leave. If you are ever in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. In the US, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is also available by call or text any time if you're struggling with your safety or your own wellbeing.
Methodology & sources
The 24 items on this test were written for Psychology.com and are not drawn from a published clinical instrument. They cover three areas: respect and safety (contempt, threats, control of money or friends), communication (stonewalling, blame, walking on eggshells), and self and wellbeing (shrinking, anxiety before seeing them, losing yourself). Each item is rated from 0 (never) to 4 (almost always), and the three area scores are shown separately alongside a single combined score, so you can see exactly where the concerning patterns concentrate.
This is a house-made educational screener drawing on research into relationship communication patterns, particularly John Gottman's work on contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, but the three-area grouping is our own framework, not a validated clinical subscale. It cannot diagnose emotional abuse or any related condition; only a qualified professional, or in some cases a domestic violence advocate, can assess that. The highest band routes to crisis resources because some patterns need more than reflection alone.
References
- Gottman JM, Levenson RW. Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: behavior, physiology, and health. J Pers Soc Psychol. 1992;63(2):221-233.
- Gottman JM, Silver N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books; 1999.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline. Get Help. thehotline.org/
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. About Intimate Partner Violence. cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/index.html
Cite this source
Psychology.com. (2026, September 23). Toxic Relationship Test. Psychology.com. https://psychology.com/tests/toxic-relationship
Toxic Relationship Test FAQ
What makes a relationship "toxic"?
There's no single clinical definition. In everyday use, it describes a relationship where patterns like contempt, control, stonewalling, or feeling smaller and more anxious over time consistently outweigh the good. This test looks at three concrete areas instead of relying on the label alone.
Is a toxic relationship the same as an abusive one?
Not always. "Toxic" is a broad, informal word that can describe anything from persistent poor communication to genuine abuse. If your result, especially in respect and safety, suggests real harm or control, our Emotional Abuse Test and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can help you look at that more precisely.
Can both partners contribute to a toxic dynamic?
Yes, in relationships where the difficulty is more about poor communication or unresolved conflict than control or abuse, both people usually play a part. That's different from abuse, where one person's behavior is designed to control or harm the other. Our Am I Toxic Quiz looks at your own contribution honestly.
Is this test a diagnosis?
No. It's for education and self-reflection only. Only a licensed clinician, and in some cases a domestic violence advocate, can properly assess abuse or its effects. If your results concern you, please reach out to a professional or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
What if I still love my partner despite a high score?
That's common and doesn't cancel out what you're noticing. Love and harm can coexist in the same relationship. A high score is information worth taking seriously, whether that leads to couples counseling, individual support, or, if safety is a concern, a conversation with a domestic violence advocate about your options.
Is the test really confidential?
Yes. The test runs and is scored in your browser, and your individual answers are never sent to us. We count completions anonymously, and if you request the free PDF or a report we receive your summary scores with the email you give us, never your answers. No account is needed. If you're worried about someone checking your browser history, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can advise on safer ways to seek information.
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