Am I Toxic Quiz: Spot Patterns That Strain Relationships and Get Next Steps
The Am I Toxic Quiz is an original self-assessment of relationship behaviors such as control, criticism, and jealousy. Get an instant pattern summary, next steps, and an optional PDF without an identity label.
Reviewed by Michael Callans, MSW 
Am I Toxic Quiz is a free, confidential 24-question self-assessment, original behavior reflection · 24 items. It takes about 6 minutes, runs entirely in your browser, and gives you a plain-language score across 3 interpretation bands plus an optional in-depth report. It is an educational screening, not a diagnosis.
Understand what you do, and what you can change
The Am I Toxic Quiz explores observable behaviors that can strain trust, respect, and freedom in a close relationship. The word toxic can hide the details that make change possible. This reflection asks about observable behavior toward one adult partner, including what happens when they disagree with you or say you have hurt them.
Specific patterns instead of an identity
Four items each explore control, criticism and contempt, stonewalling, dishonesty, jealousy, and difficulty taking accountability. The categories help you choose a behavior to address. They do not divide people into good and bad or explain why a behavior developed.
Your actions, described plainly
The statements focus on what you do, rather than asking you to guess whether you are caring or emotionally mature. A private admission can be useful, but the score depends on self-report and cannot verify how accurately you recognize your impact.
Repair that respects the other person
The result describes concrete alternatives and the limits of apologies. It makes room for growth without asking a partner to supervise it, forgive you, or remain in the relationship. Safety and another person’s freedom to say no come first.
| Feature | Typical free quiz | Psychology.com |
|---|---|---|
| Result language | May assign a toxic identity | Describes reported behavior patterns |
| Basis | May use unexplained personality claims | Original items informed by communication and apology research |
| Areas | May produce only an overall label | Six house-made groups with four items each |
| Accountability | May treat remorse as proof of change | Focus on concrete follow-through and respect for autonomy |
| Safety | May frame all conflict as mutual | Coercion needs individual help, regardless of total |
| Scoring limits | May imply an accurate verdict | Unvalidated educational bands, with self-report limits |
How scoring works
Answers are scored 0–96 in total. Your result falls into one of 3 bands:
| Score | Band | What it suggests |
|---|---|---|
| 0–32 | Fewer harmful patterns reported | You reported fewer of these behaviors. Specific incidents can still deserve repair. |
| 33–64 | Recurring patterns worth changing | Several behaviors may be making closeness or trust harder. Focus on one concrete change with support. |
| 65–96 | Many harmful patterns: prioritize change | You reported many behaviors that can undermine another person’s autonomy or trust. Seek individual professional support. |
Methodology & sources
All 24 items are original Psychology.com writing, informed by Gottman’s descriptions of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling and by research on the structure of apologies. This is not a Gottman instrument, a validated abuse assessment, or a measure of personality disorder. We use six house-made educational groupings of four items each: control, criticism and contempt, stonewalling, dishonesty, jealousy, and accountability difficulties. These are not six validated subscales or a reproduction of the four-horsemen model. In particular, jealousy and dishonesty are additional editorial areas.
For the past three months, each item scores 0 to 4 from never to almost always. The 0 to 96 total has three educational bands: 0 to 32, 33 to 64, and 65 to 96. They are approximately equal thirds, not clinical cutoffs, prevalence estimates, or thresholds for abuse. A single coercive behavior can matter regardless of the total. The accountability items ask about avoidance of responsibility, so higher values consistently indicate more concerns. Self-report can be affected by shame, limited insight, or unfair blame from someone else. Read the examples in context and seek independent support where needed.
The cited communication and apology research informs the topics, but its findings do not validate this questionnaire or its scoring bands. There is no established sensitivity, specificity, or diagnostic threshold for this original self-assessment. When reviewing a result, separate an emotion from the action that followed it: feeling jealous and demanding access to private messages are different things to discuss. Use the item wording to describe what happened without making the total a verdict about either partner.
For a practical next step, write down the behavior you want to change and the respectful response you will practice in its place. Assertive Communication offers a way to rehearse a clear request that leaves room for refusal. The Boundaries Test can support reflection on limits, while the Narcissism Test and Emotional Abuse Test address different questions. Browse the Psychology.com tests hub for other self-assessments, or use the Psychology.com therapist directory to find individual support. If a partner feels frightened or controlled, seek help focused on those behaviors and respect their choice about further contact.
References
- The Gottman Institute. The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Official educational resource; accessed September 13, 2026. gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
- Lewicki RJ, Polin B, Lount RB Jr. An Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies. Negotiation and Conflict Management Research. 2016;9(2):177-196. ncmr.lps.library.cmu.edu/article/id/264/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline. Warning Signs of Abuse. Official educational resource; accessed September 13, 2026. thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
Cite this source
Psychology.com. (2026, September 15). Am I Toxic Quiz. Psychology.com. https://psychology.com/tests/am-i-toxic
Am I Toxic Quiz FAQ
Does a high score mean I am a toxic person?
No. The score reflects how often you reported a set of behaviors, not your identity or worth. It does not make the behavior harmless either. The useful response is to identify what you are doing, stop actions that restrict or frighten someone, and work on specific alternatives. You can take responsibility without describing yourself as beyond help or asking the other person to reassure you.
Does worrying about being harmful prove I am not?
No. Concern can motivate change, but it does not establish what you do or how another person experiences it. Equally, being accused of selfishness does not prove that you have behaved harmfully. Use concrete examples, distinguish a reasonable boundary from controlling someone, and consider independent professional support if your picture feels confused. Change is best judged through behavior over time, not how upset you feel about a score.
Is taking space the same as stonewalling?
Not necessarily. A pause can help when you are overwhelmed, especially if you communicate that you need it and agree when to return. Stonewalling concerns here include repeatedly refusing to engage with unresolved issues. Leaving a threatening conversation or protecting your safety is different. You do not owe continued participation in a conversation where you are being intimidated, and this test should not be used to pressure you into one.
How is this different from the narcissism test?
This quiz asks about current relationship actions, not narcissistic traits. The Narcissism Test explores a different construct and cannot explain a particular conflict or establish a personality disorder. Someone may behave harmfully without a personality disorder, and a trait score does not establish abuse. If your real question is what you are experiencing from a partner, the Emotional Abuse Test may help you reflect on those experiences without deciding who is responsible from a score alone.
Should I ask my partner to rate my progress?
Only if they freely want to participate and doing so is safe. They should not become your therapist, monitor, or source of reassurance. You can choose a specific commitment, get professional help, and track your own follow-through. If they ask for distance, respect it. Apologizing or beginning therapy does not create an obligation for them to forgive you or stay in the relationship.
Is the Am I Toxic Quiz accurate?
The Am I Toxic Quiz has not been validated as a clinical screening instrument. Its categories organize your answers for reflection; they cannot estimate the likelihood that you are abusive or predict your relationship’s future. Accuracy also depends on how you recognize and report your actions. Consider specific incidents, their impact, and whether someone felt free to disagree. A concerning behavior deserves attention even when the overall score is low.
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