Coping Skills for Kids: What to Teach at Each Age and How to Teach It
Coping skills for kids are the small, learnable things a child can do with a big feeling: breathe, move, squeeze, name it, ask for help. This guide is written for the parent, carer or clinician who will teach them, with age bands from 3 to 12 and a printable list.
Reviewed byMichael Callans, MSWStart with yourself: co-regulation first
A distressed child is usually helped by a calm adult. Before offering any skill, check your own state: slow your breathing, lower and soften your voice, get down to the child's eye level, and move closer rather than instructing from a distance. Keep words few and simple until the child's body has settled. A coping skill lands more easily then.
Body skills (change what the body is doing)
- Balloon or bubble breathing: teach the child to breathe in to fill the belly and breathe out slowly as if blowing a bubble. Practice at bedtime so it is familiar before it is needed.
- Big movement: stomping, jumping, pushing against a wall, or animal walks to burn off the surge of energy that comes with anger or fear.
- Squeeze and release: squeeze a fist, a ball or the whole body tight for five seconds, then go floppy. Do it with the child the first many times.
- Rocking or swinging, a steady rhythmic movement that many younger children find settling.
- A drink of water through a straw, which slows breathing without the child noticing.
Sensory skills (change what is coming in)
- Cold water on the hands or a cool cloth on the face, which can slow a racing body quickly.
- A textured object to hold: a smooth stone, a bumpy ball, a piece of soft fabric.
- A calm box the child helped fill: a few items chosen in advance, kept in one place, used only for settling.
- A quieter, dimmer space to step into, chosen with the child, never used as a punishment.
- A familiar smell or a soft blanket, offered rather than imposed, with the child free to refuse.
Feelings skills (put the storm into words)
- Naming it: offer a tentative guess, "You look really frustrated, is that right?", and accept a correction.
- Pointing to a feelings chart or faces chart when words are too hard, which they often are in the moment.
- Drawing the feeling, as big and messy as it needs to be, then talking about the drawing instead of the feeling.
- Sizing it on a feelings thermometer: is it small, medium or huge right now?
- Telling a trusted adult: practice the sentence in calm moments, "I need help, I feel ...", so it is available later.
Thinking skills (give the mind a job)
- Counting: to ten slowly, backwards from twenty, or counting things of one color in the room.
- A calm phrase the child chose and rehearsed: "This feeling is big and it will pass" or "I can ask for help."
- A what-happens-next plan said out loud: "First we clean up, then we have a snack, then we try again."
- A picture in the mind of a safe, favorite place, practiced in calm moments so it is ready.
- Naming five things they can see, a simple grounding exercise that works from about age six.
What is realistic by age
Ages 3 to 5
The adult starts almost every skill. Imitation games: bubble breathing, dinosaur stomps, squeezing a ball together. Pointing to faces rather than naming feelings. A comfort object and a calm box. Expect to co-regulate nearly every time.
Ages 6 to 9
A short rehearsed routine the child can begin when prompted. Naming feelings with some accuracy. A calm corner they helped set up. Simple counting and a calm phrase. Still needs an adult nearby and often needs the adult to start it.
Ages 10 to 12
Can choose between skills and explain why slow breathing helps. Uses a calm phrase privately, may prefer movement or music over sensory items. Increasingly self-starting, but still needs an adult who notices, stays close, and talks it through afterward.
How to teach any coping skill
- Pick a calm moment and present the skill as a game you play together.
- Model it yourself, exaggerated, and let the child copy you.
- Practice it several times across a week until it feels familiar.
- In a real moment, do it with the child rather than telling them to do it.
- Name what you saw afterward: "You did three balloon breaths. That was hard and you did it."
- Once everyone is settled, talk briefly about what happened and what helped.
What to expect
Progress is slow and uneven, and regulation on any given day depends on sleep, hunger and how much the day has already asked of the child. Look for small signs over months: a pause before the explosion, a hand reaching for the calm box, a feeling named without prompting. If distress is not shifting over weeks, if meltdowns involve hurting anyone, or if your own frustration is outrunning you, talk with a pediatrician or a child therapist.
Therapists Who Work With Parenting
A worksheet is a start. These licensed therapists work with the same problem; every member is matched to the federal NPI Registry and board checks are dated on the profile.
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Karen BorkowskiMSW, LCSW
License verified, checked Sep 28, 2026
Madison, Wisconsin Telehealth and in person $200 to $250 per session, sliding scale
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License verified, checked Oct 16, 2026
“Helping college students, young adults, teens, children and their families navigate life's toughest transitions to make living happier.”
Jacksonville, Florida Telehealth and in person $185 per session, sliding scale
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Adrianna CrouchMS, LCPC, LMHC
License verified, checked Sep 29, 2026
“Pivot Back to You”
Indianapolis, Indiana Telehealth $155 to $175 per session
About this tool
Coping skills for kids are the strategies a child learns for getting through a big feeling or a hard moment without hurting themselves, anyone else, or the situation. They are not tricks for making a feeling go away. They are things a child can do, with practice and with an adult nearby, while the feeling runs its course: slow a racing body, change what the senses are taking in, put a name on what is happening inside, or steer the mind somewhere steadier. This page is written for the adult who will teach them. Children do not learn coping from a worksheet; they learn it from a grown-up who shows them, again and again, and who stays calm enough to be worth copying.
That last point comes first for a reason. Young children often regulate best with help. Rosanbalm and Murray's practice brief on co-regulation describes how a warm, responsive adult who is calm, close and predictable supports a child's regulation in the moment, and proposes that the capacity for self-regulation grows out of many such supported moments. Bruce Perry's sequence, regulate, relate, reason, makes a similar point from the clinical side: a child in a storm usually finds it hard to reason, or even to connect, until their body has settled. So the first coping skill on this page belongs to the adult: notice your own state, slow your own breathing, lower your voice, get down to the child's level. Everything below is easier for the child on that foundation.
The skills fall into four groups, organized by what the child can actually do. Body skills change physiology: slow breathing with a long exhale, big movement like stomping or jumping, and squeeze-and-release of the hands or the whole body. Sensory skills change the input: cold water on the hands or face, a textured object to hold, a calm box of a few chosen items, or a quieter, dimmer space. Feelings skills build the bridge between the inner storm and words: naming the feeling, pointing to it on a chart, drawing it, or telling a trusted adult. Thinking skills give the mind a task: counting, a calm phrase the child has rehearsed, or a simple plan for what happens next.
Age changes what is realistic. At 3 to 5, children can imitate a breathing game, hold a comfort object, stomp like a dinosaur and point to a face on a chart, but they will need the adult to start the skill for them nearly every time. At 6 to 9, children can learn a short routine, name a feeling with some accuracy, use a calm corner they helped set up, and begin to reach for a skill when prompted. At 10 to 12, children can choose between skills, understand why slow breathing changes how the body feels, use a calm phrase privately, and increasingly manage without an adult starting it, though they still need an adult who notices and supports. Do not expect a six-year-old to self-regulate alone; that is development, not failure.
The research supports the broad approach more than any specific technique. Compas and colleagues' 2017 meta-analysis of coping and emotion regulation in children and adolescents found that strategies involving active engagement, such as problem solving, reappraisal and seeking support, were associated with better mental health, while disengagement strategies like avoidance and suppression were associated with worse. What the evidence does not show is that handing a child a list of techniques changes anything on its own, or that any single skill such as deep breathing reliably works for every child. Breathing taught as a command in the middle of a meltdown often makes things worse; the same breathing practiced as a bubble-blowing game at bedtime becomes something the child can actually use.
These skills suit most children with ordinary big feelings: frustration at a lost game, fear at bedtime, anger at a sibling, the overwhelm of a long day. They are also a reasonable starting point for children with anxiety or ADHD, with the adult doing more of the starting and the scaffolding for longer. They are not a treatment. A child whose meltdowns are frequent, intense, out of step with peers, or involve hurting themselves or others, or a child who has been through something frightening, needs a pediatrician or a child therapist, and coping skills become part of a bigger plan rather than the plan.
The mistakes are predictable. Teaching the skill during the meltdown instead of before it. Saying "calm down" or "use your breathing" from across the room, which lands as a demand rather than help. Turning the calm corner into a punishment, so the child learns that the tools are for when they are in trouble. Praising calm so heavily that the child learns to hide feelings instead of handling them. Expecting the skill to work the first time, or every time, when regulation on any given day depends on sleep, hunger, and how full the day has already been. And treating a coping skill as a fix for a need: a child who is hungry, overstimulated, or being bullied does not need a better breathing exercise, they need the problem addressed.
A useful way to teach any skill from the list is the same each time. Choose a calm moment and present it as a game you play together. Model it yourself, exaggerated, and let the child copy. Practice it a few times across a week so it becomes familiar. Then, in a real moment, do it with the child rather than telling them to do it, and name what you see: "You did three balloon breaths. That was hard and you did it." Afterward, once everyone is settled, talk briefly about what happened and what helped. Keep the printable list visible and let the child choose from it; choice gives a small piece of control.
If you are teaching these skills and your child's distress is not shifting over weeks, or if you find your own frustration rising faster than you can manage it, that is worth a conversation with a pediatrician or a licensed child therapist. Needing help to co-regulate does not make you a poor parent; it makes you someone who noticed. The Psychology.com therapist directory lets you search for child and family therapists at no cost. On this site, the Emotional Regulation Activities for Kids page covers the games that build these skills, and the Calm-Down Corner Cards give you a ready-made set of visual prompts for a child's calm space.
References
- Rosanbalm KD, Murray DW. Co-Regulation From Birth Through Young Adulthood: A Practice Brief. Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families; 2017.
- Compas BE, Jaser SS, Bettis AH, et al. Coping, emotion regulation, and psychopathology in childhood and adolescence: a meta-analysis and narrative review. Psychological Bulletin. 2017;143(9):939-991.
- Siegel DJ, Bryson TP. The Whole-Brain Child. Delacorte Press; 2011.
- Perry BD, Winfrey O. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books; 2021.
Cite this source
Psychology.com. (2026, October 19). Coping Skills for Kids. Psychology.com. https://psychology.com/tools/coping-skills-for-kids
Coping Skills for Kids FAQ
What are coping skills for kids?
Coping skills for kids are things a child can learn to do with a big feeling so that they get through it without hurting themselves, others, or the situation. They fall into four groups: body skills such as slow breathing and squeeze-and-release, sensory skills such as cold water or a textured object, feelings skills such as naming or pointing to an emotion, and thinking skills such as counting or a rehearsed calm phrase. Children learn them from an adult who models them in calm moments and does them alongside the child when it matters.
At what age can a child learn coping skills?
Imitation starts around age three: a toddler can copy bubble breathing or a dinosaur stomp, though an adult will need to start it almost every time. By six to nine, children can learn a short routine, name feelings with some accuracy and use a skill when prompted. By ten to twelve, they can choose between skills and often start one themselves. At every age, self-regulation grows out of co-regulation: a calm, close adult doing the skill with the child, many times, until the child can do it alone.
What is the best coping skill for an angry child?
There is no single best one, but anger usually comes with a surge of physical energy, so body skills tend to work first: stomping, pushing against a wall, squeezing something hard and letting go, or cold water on the hands. Once the body has settled, a feelings skill such as naming or drawing the anger helps the child make sense of it. What matters more than the skill is timing: teach it when the child is calm, do it with them in the moment, and avoid instructing from across the room, which an angry child hears as a demand.
My child refuses to use the skills when upset. What am I doing wrong?
Probably nothing unusual. A child in a full meltdown usually cannot take in a new skill, and the first job is yours: settle your own body, move close, keep words few. Skills tend to be easier to use once the peak has passed, and easier again if they were practiced as games beforehand. Check whether the skill is being offered as help or as a command, whether the calm corner has become a punishment, and whether a need such as hunger, tiredness or overstimulation is driving the distress. If nothing shifts over weeks, a child therapist can help.
Is deep breathing good for kids?
Slow breathing with a long exhale does help settle the body, and most children can learn it from about age three through games like blowing bubbles or pretending to inflate a balloon. The catch is in how it is taught. "Take a deep breath" shouted into a meltdown usually backfires, because the child hears a demand and cannot comply. The same breath practiced at bedtime, modeled by the adult and done together, becomes a real tool. Some children, especially anxious ones, dislike focusing on breathing; for them, movement or a sensory skill is a better first choice.
When should I worry about my child's ability to cope?
Talk with a pediatrician or a licensed child therapist if meltdowns are frequent and intense, clearly out of step with other children of the same age, involve the child hurting themselves or others, follow a frightening event, or are not shifting after weeks of calm practice. Also seek help if your own frustration is rising faster than you can manage it, or if your child is withdrawing, avoiding school, or seems persistently sad or fearful rather than occasionally overwhelmed. Coping skills then become part of a plan rather than the whole plan.