Kindness Test: See How Kind You Are in Practice, Under Strain, and Toward Yourself

How the kindness test is scored

Each of the eighteen statements is rated on a five-point agreement scale from strongly disagree to strongly agree, scored 0 to 4. Five statements describe unkind or self-critical habits and are reverse-scored, so a higher total always means more kindness in practice. The total runs from 0 to 72, and under it you get three bars of up to 24 points each: everyday kindness, compassion under strain, and self-kindness. The grouping is our own educational structure, not a set of validated subscales, so read the bars as a map of where kindness comes easily to you and where it runs out.

The four result bands are educational ranges at roughly even divisions of the scale, not clinical cutoffs; kindness is not a clinical construct and there is no threshold that marks a problem. The test also cannot see your intentions or your circumstances, and a low score during a period of illness, grief or burnout says more about the period than about you. Answer for how you have actually behaved over the last few months, and treat the result as a prompt rather than a judgment.

Kindness is a behavior, not a feeling

Nearly everyone rates themselves as kind, which is why a test built on feelings tells you little. The research on kindness is about acts: in Oliver Scott Curry's 2018 meta-analysis of 27 experimental studies, performing acts of kindness produced a small but reliable improvement in the wellbeing of the person doing them, and the effect came from doing, not from intending. Elizabeth Dunn and colleagues found something similar for spending: people who spent a small sum on someone else reported more happiness than people who spent it on themselves. Kindness that stays in your head as a warm attitude helps no one, including you. The first area of this test, everyday kindness, is simply a check on whether the small acts happen: the check-in message, the thank-you, the few minutes given to a stranger.

The second area asks about kindness under strain, which may differ from everyday kindness. Compare your own responses without assuming that either pattern is typical of other people. Kindness that only appears when you are rested, appreciated and treated well is cheap; the test of it is a bad day, a rude customer, or a friend who let you down. Compassion under strain is not about being a doormat. It is about whether you can stay civil when tired, understand before you react, and be generous to people who, by your own accounting, have not earned it. That last one is hard for almost everyone, and it is the clearest marker of kindness as a practiced skill rather than a mood. If you suspect your warmth toward others comes from an unusually strong ability to feel what they feel, the Empathy Test looks at that separately; empathy and kindness overlap but are not the same thing.

People-pleasing is not kindness, and self-kindness is not selfish

Two confusions show up constantly on this topic. The first is that saying yes to everything is kindness. It is not. People-pleasing is driven by fear of disapproval, and it tends to produce resentment, exhaustion and eventually less real care for anyone. Kind people say no; they just say it without cruelty. If your everyday kindness bar is high but you feel drained and quietly resentful, People-Pleasing (Fawn Response) Test and Boundaries Test will probably tell you more than this page can.

The second confusion is that being hard on yourself is a form of high standards, and being kind to yourself is indulgence. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion found the opposite: people who treat themselves with the warmth they would offer a friend are more likely to take responsibility, try again after failure, and, in her 2013 study with Elizabeth Pommier, show more perspective-taking, more forgiveness and less personal distress toward others. Self-kindness is the fuel for sustained kindness outward. People who run on self-criticism tend to run out. That is why this test gives self-kindness its own bar, and why a low score there is worth taking as seriously as a low score anywhere else. Our Self-Compassion Test looks at that area in depth.

What to do with your result

If your total is low, start with everyday kindness, because it is the easiest to change and it feeds the others. Pick one small act a day that costs you a little: a thank-you that names what the person did, a message to someone who has gone quiet, a few minutes for a stranger. Curry's review suggests the benefit to you arrives quickly, which makes the habit easier to keep. If compassion under strain is your low bar, the work is a single pause between feeling provoked and responding; most unkindness happens in that half-second, and widening it is a skill that improves with practice. If self-kindness is lowest, try talking to yourself after a mistake exactly as you would to a friend who made it, out loud if you can stand to.

If your total is high, check the bars for the one that lags, and consider whether any of your kindness is costing you more than it should. Sustained kindness needs rest, limits and some kindness pointed inward. If you are also wondering about the bigger question of whether you are a good person, Am I a Good Person? Quiz looks at honesty, care and repair together, and Character Strengths Test shows where kindness sits among your other strengths. If a low score here sits alongside low mood, exhaustion or a sense that you have nothing left for anyone, that is a wellbeing issue rather than a character issue, and a therapist can help with it.

Methodology & sources

This is an original educational screener written for Psychology.com. The eighteen statements are our own, informed by three strands of research: the experimental literature on acts of kindness and wellbeing, including Curry and colleagues' 2018 meta-analysis and Dunn and colleagues' work on prosocial spending; Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion and its link to concern for others; and the clinical distinction between kindness and people-pleasing. The statements are grouped into everyday kindness, compassion under strain and self-kindness. That grouping is ours; it is not a validated factor structure, and the three bars should be read as an educational map rather than as subscales with known reliability.

Each statement is rated on a five-point agreement scale scored 0 to 4. Five statements are worded toward unkind or self-critical habits and reverse-scored, so a higher total always means more kindness in practice. The result bands are educational ranges at roughly even divisions of the 0 to 72 scale, not clinical cutoffs. The screener has not been validated against a published instrument, and scores should not be compared with research measures of prosocial behavior or self-compassion.

This page is provided for education and self-reflection. A kindness score cannot tell you whether you are a good person, and it cannot see the circumstances behind your answers. Where a low score reflects exhaustion, low mood or burnout rather than character, those deserve their own attention, and a licensed therapist can help.

Reviewed by Michael Callans, MSW
Reviewed the eighteen original statements, the three-area grouping, the people-pleasing distinction and the band language to keep every result warm and practical. Last reviewed October 5, 2026.

References

1. Curry OS, Rowland LA, Van Lissa CJ, Zlotowitz S, McAlaney J, Whitehouse H. Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. J Exp Soc Psychol. 2018;76:320-329. doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2018.02.014
2. Dunn EW, Aknin LB, Norton MI. Spending money on others promotes happiness. Science. 2008;319(5870):1687-1688. doi.org/10.1126/science.1150952
3. Neff KD. Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self Identity. 2003;2(2):85-101. doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032
4. Neff KD, Pommier E. The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. Self Identity. 2013;12(2):160-176. doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2011.649546
5. Lyubomirsky S, Sheldon KM, Schkade D. Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Rev Gen Psychol. 2005;9(2):111-131. doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.9.2.111

Kindness Test FAQ