DBT GIVE Skills Worksheet
Prepare how you want to listen and speak when maintaining the relationship matters.
About this tool
GIVE is Marsha Linehan’s DBT mnemonic for relationship effectiveness: Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy manner. It focuses on the way you participate in a conversation. Use it when you want to address an issue while continuing to treat the other person with care.
The letters guide tone and attention: avoid personal attacks, listen with curiosity, acknowledge what is understandable, and bring an approachable manner. Warmth can be quiet; it does not require a smile or a joke. GIVE complements DEAR MAN, which organizes a request or refusal, and FAST, which focuses on self-respect. Decide which priority matters most in this conversation.
Completed example: Morgan wants to discuss how they and a housemate use the kitchen. The relationship goal is to keep shared meals comfortable. Morgan plans to say, “Could we look at how dinner cleanup is working?” For Interested: “Which part is hardest on your late-shift days?” For Validate: “You are tired when you get home, and another chore can feel like a lot.” For Easy manner: Morgan chooses a relaxed pace and a time when neither is rushing. Their limit remains: “I need a clear counter before I cook.”
Try the words aloud once. If they sound unlike you, shorten them. Afterward, record what you actually said and what you learned from the response. The other person may still disagree; their reaction alone does not tell you whether your preparation was useful.
References
- Linehan MM. DBT Skills Training Manual. 2nd ed. Guilford Press; 2015.
DBT GIVE Skills Worksheet FAQ
Does GIVE mean giving in?
No. You can plan a considerate conversation and still say no. Write your limit before rehearsing so that a warmer tone does not accidentally turn into a different answer.
What if I disagree with the other person?
Look for something you can honestly acknowledge, such as frustration with a changed plan. You do not have to endorse a claim you think is inaccurate.
Do I need humor for Easy manner?
No. In a serious discussion, a calm pace and an ordinary, respectful voice may fit better. Avoid jokes that minimize the issue.
How will I know what to practice next?
Use your after-conversation notes. Choose one observable action, such as leaving more space for an answer or asking a clearer question, for the next conversation.