Coping with Self-Harm Urges
A gentle, judgment-free plan for the moments an urge to self-harm rises: ways to delay, alternatives to try, and people to reach for, so the urge can pass.
About this tool
If you are having urges to harm yourself, please know this first: you are not bad, broken, or weak. Self-harm is something many people turn to when emotional pain becomes overwhelming and they do not yet have other ways to cope or to feel something change. It often makes sense as an attempt to manage unbearable feelings, even though it brings its own harm. You deserve support, not shame, and urges can be ridden out.
This plan rests on a few ideas that help in the moment. Urges rise, peak, and fall, usually within minutes, so delaying even a little often lets the wave crest and pass on its own. Alternatives that create a strong but safe sensation, like holding ice or a cold shower, can give the nervous system something intense to respond to without injury. And reaching out, even a single text to one person, can break the isolation that urges feed on. None of these is a cure, but together they can carry you through.
Building this plan when you are calmer means you do not have to think clearly in your hardest moment. You will already have written down what helps you, who to contact, and how to make your space safer. Be specific and honest, and be kind to yourself as you do it.
If you have thoughts of ending your life, or you are not sure you can stay safe, this is a moment to reach out right now using the crisis lines below. You can also use the safety plan tool, which is built for exactly this. Everything you write here stays in your browser and is never uploaded or stored.
- Klonsky ED. The functions of deliberate self-injury: a review of the evidence. Clin Psychol Rev. 2007;27(2):226-239.
- Stanley B, Brown GK. Safety planning intervention: a brief intervention to mitigate suicide risk. Cogn Behav Pract. 2012;19(2):256-264.
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
Coping with Self-Harm Urges FAQ
How can I cope with an urge to self-harm right now?
Try to delay acting for even a few minutes, since urges peak and fall. Use a safer alternative such as holding ice or a cold shower, soothe yourself, and reach out to one person. If you cannot stay safe, call or text 988 (US) or text HOME to 741741 now.
Why do delay and alternatives help?
Urges rise and fall in waves, often within minutes, so waiting a little often lets the wave pass. Alternatives that create a strong but safe sensation can give your nervous system something intense to respond to without injury.
I feel ashamed. Is that normal?
Very. But self-harm is a way people try to cope with overwhelming pain, not a sign that you are bad or weak. You deserve support and kindness, not shame, and these urges can be managed with help.
What if I'm also thinking about suicide?
Please reach out right now. In the US, call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Consider using the safety plan tool as well.