Self-Compassion Break
A short, in-the-moment practice from Dr. Kristin Neff for the times you are suffering: three steps and ready phrases to steady and soften your inner voice.
About this tool
The Self-Compassion Break is a brief practice developed by Dr. Kristin Neff for use in real moments of difficulty, such as a painful conversation, a mistake at work, or a wave of self-criticism. It distills her three components of self-compassion into three simple steps you can move through in under a minute.
Each step maps onto one component. First you acknowledge the pain (mindfulness). Then you remind yourself that suffering is shared by all people (common humanity). Finally you offer yourself kindness, often with a hand on your heart and a few gentle words (self-kindness). The physical gesture matters: warm, supportive touch can activate the body's soothing system and lower the stress response.
The phrases below are starting points. Many people adapt them into wording that feels natural, which tends to make them more believable and more effective. The practice is short on purpose, so it is realistic to use it many times a day, which is how the skill becomes a habit.
- Neff KD, Germer CK. The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. Guilford Press; 2018.
- Neff KD. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow; 2011.
Self-Compassion Break FAQ
What is the Self-Compassion Break?
A short practice from Dr. Kristin Neff for moments of difficulty. It moves through three steps: acknowledging the pain (mindfulness), remembering you are not alone (common humanity), and offering yourself kindness (self-kindness).
How long does it take?
Under a minute. It is designed to be brief so you can use it many times a day, in real moments of stress or self-criticism.
Why put a hand on your heart?
Warm, supportive touch can activate the body's calming system and ease the stress response, which makes the kind words easier to take in.
Can I change the phrases?
Yes, and it usually helps. Wording that feels natural and true to you tends to be more believable and more soothing.