Loving-Kindness Meditation: A Guided Metta Practice

About this tool

Loving-kindness meditation comes from Buddhist practice, where metta is one of the four brahmaviharas, and it has been studied in secular form for about two decades. The structure is almost always the same: settle, choose a few short phrases, and direct them in widening circles, beginning with yourself, then someone you love easily, then someone neutral, then someone difficult, then everyone. The widening is the practice, and it is not a ladder you have to finish: staying with a safe focus, or stopping, is a legitimate way to practice.

The phrases are traditionally four, and plain is better than poetic. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you live with ease. You can change them to fit, and many people need to soften the wording for themselves before it is sayable at all. What matters is that the words mean something to you and that you can repeat them without arguing with them.

Research on the practice, including Barbara Fredrickson's work on positive emotions, has reported increases in self-reported positive emotion with regular practice, and smaller studies have looked at self-criticism and social connection. The literature is uneven in quality and the effects are modest, so it is fair to describe this as a practice many people find useful rather than an established treatment for anything.

Starting with yourself is the step most people find hardest, and if it brings up resistance or grief that is a common response rather than a sign you are doing it wrong. Two options help: begin with the easy loved one and return to yourself afterwards, or address yourself in the third person using your own name. If the practice reliably brings up strong distress, it is worth doing alongside a therapist rather than alone.

Loving-kindness meditation, known in the Buddhist tradition as metta, is a practice of deliberately cultivating warm, benevolent wishes toward yourself and others. Rather than emptying the mind, you silently repeat short phrases of goodwill, such as may you be happy, may you be safe, gradually widening the circle of people you include.

The practice usually moves through a sequence: starting with yourself, then a loved one, then a neutral person, then someone difficult, and finally all beings everywhere. Beginning with yourself can feel surprisingly hard for people who struggle with self-criticism, which is part of why this practice is so often used to build self-compassion and self-worth.

Research led by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and others has linked regular loving-kindness practice with increases in positive emotions, greater feelings of social connection, and improvements in well-being over time. It is also studied as a complement to therapy for self-criticism, depression, and chronic pain.

There is no need to force a feeling. The intention behind the phrases is what matters. Some sessions bring warmth; others feel flat, and that is fine. The benefit comes from returning to the practice, not from any single sitting.

Galante and colleagues reviewed kindness-based meditation research, including loving-kindness and compassion practices. Their meta-analysis found improvements in some self-reported outcomes compared with passive controls, but comparisons with active alternatives were less conclusive. Study quality and small samples limited confidence in the findings. These results support cautious use as a complementary practice; they do not establish that this particular script treats depression or that a fixed session length is best.

A common mistake is rushing through all five stages, from yourself to all beings, in a single short sitting. It is fine to spend an entire session on just one or two stages, especially the difficult person stage, which many people find easier to approach after weeks of practicing the earlier ones. Another mistake is judging a session by whether it produced a warm feeling. The phrases are an intention you are setting, not a mood you are required to reach.

If self-criticism, grief, or anger feel too large for a self-guided practice like this one, or if difficult feelings from the exercise stay with you for days rather than passing, it can help to talk with a licensed therapist who works with self-compassion or emotion regulation. You can search the Psychology.com therapist directory to find one.

Use your reflection to record what felt manageable, which phrases felt believable, and whether you want to change the focus next time. A completed script is a personal practice aid, not a score of how compassionate you are. You can wish someone well while maintaining boundaries and choosing to have no contact with them.

If closing your eyes or focusing inward feels unsettling, pause and look around the room. NCCIH notes that meditation can bring difficult experiences and should not replace needed health care. The Mindfulness Exercises Library offers other practice options. The Self-Compassion Break provides another structure for practicing a kinder response to yourself.

Reviewed by Michael Callans, MSW
Reviewed the script for fidelity to traditional metta practice and its use in self-compassion work.

References

1. Fredrickson BL, Cohn MA, Coffey KA, Pek J, Finkel SM. Open hearts build lives: positive emotions, induced through loving-kindness meditation, build consequential personal resources. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2008;95(5):1045-1062.
2. Salzberg S. Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. Shambhala; 1995.
3. Galante J, Galante I, Bekkers MJ, Gallacher J. Effect of kindness-based meditation on health and well-being: a systematic review and meta-analysis. J Consult Clin Psychol. 2014;82(6):1101-1114. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24979314/
4. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. Meditation and Mindfulness: Effectiveness and Safety. https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation-and-mindfulness-effectiveness-and-safety

Loving-Kindness Meditation FAQ